Coding by hand is quite hard.
It takes time from my being a bard.
So I now blog with WordPress,
New name, look, and address. Please link, so my traffic ain’t marred.
Some bloggers are easily shocked
When gal lefties don't look like they're jocks.
Poor Ann can't abide
When such women don't hide
Their endowments beneath frumpy smocks.
The Ballad Of Joementum Joe Lieberman (To be sung to the tune of Danny Boy)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Joementum Joe, you've long outstayed your welcome.
You've let us down, it's time to pay the price.
You've been disloyal to voters and your party.
You're way too close to Rummy, Bush, and Rice.
Don't want you back, your war support is damning.
You've dealt democracy so many blows.
You could have blocked Alito, but you failed to.
Joementum Joe, Joementum Joe, it's time to go.
You oft behave as if your word's the gospel.
And show disdain for Dems who disagree.
You've helped Bush/Cheney harm our Constitution.
Your words and actions aid the GOP.
To be Dub's pal became your grand fixation.
Your acts betrayed Dem values we hold dear.
You cast aside the virtues of our nation.
Joementum Joe, it's time to end your Sen. career.
In honor of today's first offbeat item, today's snarkery shall be in French ... to the extent I can remember my high school French. (Here's Alta Vista's Babel Fish Translation page, just in case my meaning isn't sufficiently obvious.)
You'd think that with all the disasters overtaking the world, Condi Rice would be far too busy to play Brahms or Shostakovich at a piano recital (and to do all the practicing essential to ensure a respectable performance.) But apparently Condi has some time on her hands:
Hey Condi, When They Asked You To Be A Hands-On Secretary of State, This Isn't What They Meant By Madeleine Begun Kane
Like Rice, I'm a well trained musician.
But if I were in Condi's position,
I wouldn't think it vital
To play a recital,
When working t'wards peace was my mission.
When diplomacy's needed, Bush gropes. With his veto, he murders our hopes.
But there's one thing he's mastered:
It's causing disasters
So huge, we can't measure their scope.
So sorry for my long silence! A family medical emergency (my father's hospitalization) has kept me from posting and out of the news loop. But here's some non-political humor about giving a speech, which you might enjoy. (I wrote it after my first serious foray in public speaking -- a speech on humor in the workplace, which I gave several years ago at Cornell Law School.)
How To Give A Speech By Madeleine Begun Kane
In a moment of weakness you agreed to give a speech. What are you in for? If you're lucky, it won't be any worse than this:
1. Receive invitation to speak because of your expertise in tapestry, arachnids, the World Wide Web. Succumb to flattery and say yes.
2. Spend the next week scheming to extricate yourself from your commitment. Suffer from nightmares featuring you, your microphone, and three angry apes.
3. Rehearse potential excuses. Try to talk your spouse into phoning your regrets. Wonder if your doctor would give you a note diagnosing laryngitis of indeterminate duration.
4. Decide you should really give speech because it will enhance your reputation, be educational, build character. And because it's too late to pull your name from the publicity.
5. Talk about writing speech. Read about writing speech. Obsess about writing speech. Notice an entire month has passed and you haven't started writing speech.
6. Sit down in front of computer and stare at screen. Vow to start writing this very minute and not leave room until you've finished first draft. Leave room to fetch snacks... ("How To Give A Speech" is continued here.)
For Ann, facts are pests that intrude,
And we've learned she's a plagiaristtoo. Though an arrogant liar,
The media buys her,
A "pundit" who's clearly unglued.
It's Tuesday, which means it's time for me to name this week's Blogger-Verse Blogger of the Week. And the winner is Norm Jenson Of OneGoodMove. Here's the personal limerick I've written in his honor:
Ode to Norm Jenson of OneGoodMove By Madeleine Begun Kane
The OneGoodMove blogger named Norm
Religiously posts and informs.
His video files
Of Jon Stewart are wild,
And with laughter my mood he transforms.
The Supremes slapped George Dubya quite hard,
Saying George, you ain't Czar, King, or God.
Though our nation's at war,
You can't break the law,
So stop riding o'er Congress roughshod.
Peter King and his ilk defy reason
When they call the Times "guilty of treason." They'd imprison some press
And they'd stifle the rest,
Cause the truth for such men has no season.
The GOP onslaught against the New York Times illustrates this truism: When people feel threatened, they attack. And recent attempts to paint Kos as some sort of lefty blog MafiaDon provide yet another example. Such anti-Kos accusations are downright silly.
From the Times we know Bush likes to sift
Through our bank records managed by SWIFT.
Court subpoenas? Ho! Ho!
Any safeguards? Heck, no!
Yet again, precious privacy's stiffed.
Last Tuesday I launched my Blogger-Verse Blogger of the Week feature and named Skippy my first Blogger of the Week. As I said back then,
every week I'll pick a deserving blogger and write him or her a personal Blogger-Verse. Well, I'm pleased to announce this week's winner -- Avedon Carol. Here's the personal limerick I've written in her honor:
Ode To Avedon By Madeleine Begun Kane
Ms. Avedon's in the UK,
But she hails from the US of A.
Sev'ral time zones ahead,
When she posts, I'm in bed,
And she always has great stuff to say.
New Yawkers Are Polite ... So There! By Madeleine Begun Kane
New Yorkers are very polite,
Says this study, and damn it, they're right!
We're kind and we're sweet,
And our help can't be beat.
Don't believe me? You're in for a fight.
Needless to say, Mayor Bloomberg's delighted by this poll and eager to use it to attract more tourists. So I thought I'd help out by writing him a new tourism slogan --
Come Visit The Big Apple:
There's nothing worth seeing, but we're really polite.
And that reminds me of the latest Bush excuse for slashing New York's DHS anti-terrorism grant: Bush was kept in the dark about the DHS grant allocations. Isn't it funny how Bush is always out of the loop, when he's looking to evade responsibility for one of his countless lame-brained decisions?
Dub's Shriveling Coalition By Madeleine Begun Kane
George Dubya's Iraq coalition
Is suff'ring from major attrition.
Now Japan will withdraw
From this venture so flawed,
While Bush clings to his pricey, failed mission.
Today I'm launching my Blogger-Verse Blogger of the Week feature. Every week I'll pick a deserving blogger and write him or her a personal Blogger-Verse. And in the words of my first Blogger-Verse winner, yes, I coined that phrase!
A west coast based blogger named Skippy
Is quite funny and snide, but not snippy.
He mocks liars on cue,
And he loves kangaroos.
I suspect that he once was a hippy.
Reid ain't a deep thinker, says Specter,
The GOP's brain wave detector.
I'll take Reid any day.
Arlen's feet are of clay:
His resolve is no more than a spectre.
I've been trying to figure out why the mainstream media keeps letting Ann Coulter get away with verbal murder, and I have a theory that involves an odd form of sexism. Or is it reverse sexism?
Ann's Master Plan By Madeleine Begun Kane
A right-wingnut woman named Ann
Had a book tour publicity plan:
She would spew on TV
Lies and venom with glee,
And they'd let her, cause Ann ain't a man.
There once was a Senator Specter,
Who was briefly a Cheney defector.
For a sec he was brave,
But he speedily caved, Having drunk Cheney's Kool-Aid laced nectar.
I'm Glad He's Dead, But... By Madeleine Begun Kane
Zarqawi is dead, which is great,
But I still must George Dubya berate,
Cause he passed up some ops, To kill him full stop,
Causing thousands to lose kids and mates.
In a series of recent posts, the TalkingPointsMemo has done a great job dissecting John Solomon's misleading AP articles on Senator Reid. Unfortunately, John Solomon isn't the only thing wrong with the AP: Check out Andrew Taylor's Democrats-are-crazed-liberals piece. Or you could spare yourself the anguish of reading it, and just sing my "Mad Kane Reads The AP, So You Don't Have To."
Mad Kane Reads The AP, So You Don't Have To (Sing to Frčre Jacques)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dems are lib'rals.
Scary lib'rals.
Must be stopped.
Must be stopped.
Voting Dem will hurt you,
Surely will subvert you.
GOP
Keeps you free.
Dems are lib'rals.
Scary lib'rals.
Vote them down.
Vote them down.
Dems will raise your taxes.
They're the evil axis.
Dems will screech,
And impeach.
Dems are lib-finks,
Fond of red ink.
Dems are odd.
They hate God.
Dems can't handle power.
Things will go real sour.
Dems will sin,
If they win.
Dems are lib'rals.
Scary lib'rals.
Dems eat brie,
Drink chablis.
Lib'ral-run committees,
Dems love inner cities.
GOP
Keeps you free.
I'm late on this, but I just can't resist writing a Bush dynasty limerick:
Jeb For Prez? By Madeleine Begun Kane
George Dubya wants Jebby to win
The White House, Dub says with a grin.
A third Prez named Bush?
What a pain in the tush!
But at least he ain't touting the twins.
Tomorrow (June 4th) my wonderful husband Mark and I are celebrating our 28th wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary, Mark!
Wedding Anniversary Limerick By Madeleine Begun Kane
I once met a man on a train.
He goes by the name Mark G. Kane.
It's been twenty-eight years
Since we married, so Cheers!
I'm so happy I didn't take a plane.
Are Bill and Hill still having sex?
By that question, the Times seems perplexed.
Major issues don't matter.
No substance, just chatter,
In Dems-smearing Times tabloid text.
Ode To Kenny Boy (To be sung to the tune of "Danny Boy") "Oh Kenny Boy, the jails, the jails are calling,
From state to state, and through the world so wide.
The money's gone, and all the chips are falling,
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and you must hide..."
Frist And Hastert Rediscover The Constitution By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Exec branch is free to break laws,
And the rights of the public ignore.
But to mess with a Rep.
Is a terrible step,
Say Frist/Hastert, dissemblers hardcore.
Rep. Jefferson seems to have stashed
90 grand in his freezer - cold cash.
The FBI nailed him.
The Feds want to jail him.
But at least they didn't catch him with hash.
Guys, anybody who isn't happy, please leave this blog and don't come back. I'm serious. Get out...
Sorry John, but feminist issues are just as important as gay issues and all the other issues you raise in your otherwise fine blog. And insulting women and telling women (and the many men who agree with them) to "get out," weakens you as a spokesperson for the progressive causes you do deign to support:
Big Boys Cry Uncle When Wrong By Madeleine Begun Kane
If someone used "gay" to mean coward,
Aravosis would rightfully glower.
But he claims it's okay
To use "big girl" that way.
And gals shouldn't feel disempowered?
Update: Well that sure didn't take long: I posted my limerick in John's comments, and it vanished in well under an hour. Plus, John's entire "big girl" post seems to have dematerialized. No doubt it's some sort of blogger malfunction. Cause John surely wouldn't attempt something as ... uh ... cowardly as a cover up.
And speaking of John, some brilliant spoofer has just launched AravosisBlog. And now that John has given me more than good cause to de-link AmericaBlog, I have room for AravosisBlog on my blogroll. How deliciously serendipitous!
Update 2: And a cowardly cover up it was! After seaching AmericaBlog I discovered that John changed the link to his offensive post, in an effort to hamper blog discourse. I've updated my link which should now work ... unless and until John deliberately breaks it again.
I've no problem with blogs hosting ads.
But some of those ads make me sad.
Would-be Net slayers
Are rather good payers.
But helping their cause is quite mad.
A day that's unique, like no other,
Is the day that we celebrate mothers.
Of course fathers are great,
And our siblings sure rate.
But who could compete with a mother?
Perhaps I'm out of line, but I think that when you get behind the wheel of a gazillion pound motorized vehicle, turn the ignition key, get into gear, hit the gas, and begin to move, you should maybe ... I don't know ... PAY ATTENTION.
This approach has many advantages. For example, if you carefully observe your fellow drivers, you can:
a: Pick up lipstick application tips from the woman going 65;
b: Place bets on how far into your lane the guy next to you will swerve while switching CD's;
c: Ascertain whether the stuff that fellow is trying to dab off his horn, tie, and suit is ketchup or mayo and learn high-speed stain removal techniques;
d. Cancel your newspaper subscription and read the one propped up on some news hound's steering wheel; and
e: Eavesdrop on fascinating conversations. ("I'm calling from my car. Cool, huh?") Bonus Benefit: You'll know whose cell phone to borrow when its owner crashes into you.
Please somebody tell me: What are these people thinking?
I know that we all lead pressured lives. And that people are so busy, they're forced to eat, apply make-up, shave, read, return phone calls, and relieve themselves on the run. Being a compulsive multitasker myself, I'm very sympathetic ... to a point. For instance, I'm not suggesting that breathalyzers be enhanced to test for freshly applied eye shadow and just ingested Big Macs. Hmmm, not a bad idea, come to think of it.
But if you're so pressed for time that extra-car-icular activities are a must, couldn't you please, as a personal favor, do them at red lights or while stalled in traffic jams? And don't tell me you don't have red lights and traffic jams in your neighborhood. Actually do tell me and give me your address ... so I can move there.
The scary part is that things are going to get even worse as Internet-enabled cars become common. Now I have nothing against the Internet. I earn my living ... such as it is ... on the Net. I even suffer from Web withdrawal when I'm away from it for substantial periods like ... um ... 17 seconds.
So I can think of nothing better to occupy my car-bound time than surfing the Net ... assuming I'm not the one at the wheel.
But I don't want to share the road with a fellow who's hard drive just crashed or who just accidentally mass emailed a painfully personal note. I also don't want the driver in the next lane to be busy bowling elves.
Nor do I want to be near any driver who's downloading porn, cursing out a fatal Windows error, or instructing his car computer to tell his home computer to tell his thermostat, fridge, and oven what to do.
Not that I'm against all car gadgetry. In fact, I'm eagerly awaiting the invention of the DDDD -- "Distracted Driver Detection Device." What will a DDDD do? Warn me when I'm near anybody who'd use a gizmo like that, so I can get the heck out of his way.
Since I seem to be off topic from politics today, here's my new song parody about search engine marketing and optimization, which webmasters and advertising folks might enjoy. (Which reminds me, thanks so much to the excellent Adrants for giving it a nice mention.)
Ode To The Signing Statement By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dub's never once vetoed a bill,
Though he's threatened to, sounding quite shrill.
At long last we know why:
His stealth statements defy
All the bills he dislikes from the Hill.
Gen'ral Powell came out of his stupor,
To critique Rummy's war-running bloopers.
I just wish he spoke out
While he still had some clout.
But alas, Powell's timing ain't super.
George Bush and his GOP cronies
Broke FEMA, it's true, no baloney.
Says the Senate, replace it.
The next time we'll ace it.
Methinks that their scheme's rather phoney.
My latest song parody is The White House Shakeup Song, sung to the tune of Good King Wenceslas. And if simply reading it isn't enough for you, you can listen to me sing it right here.
The White House Shakeup Song (Sing to Good King Wenceslas)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bolten's cleaning house they claim.
He needs staffers brainy.
Upward polls are Bolten's aim.
Why not start with Cheney?
Many think that Don must go.
Rumsfeld's quite abysmal.
Dubya answers no, no, no.
Bush is just as dismal.
Miers may just lose her job.
Nearly was "Her Honor."
Andrew Card worked way too hard.
Now he's just a goner.
Selling our economy.
That's what Snow was there for.
Folks know we're near bankruptcy.
Josh will kick him out the door.
Don't forget Dub's spokesman Scott.
Liar quite transparent.
White House press guy now he's not.
How 'bout one coherent?
Rove lost power, so they say.
What disinformation!
Politics is Karl Rove's game.
That's what runs our nation.
George Bush Has Been Urged To Clean House By Madeleine Begun Kane
George Bush has been urged to clean house,
By his GOP pals and his spouse.
But the changes he makes
Can't repair his mistakes,
Cause the man in the Oval's a louse.
The Fellow Who Ran OMB By Madeleine Begun Kane
The fellow who ran OMB
Helped balloon Fed'ral debt with much glee.
It defies all belief
That he's Dubya's new Chief.
But he's loyal to George Bush, and that's key.
Daniel Henninger's latest Opinion Journal column's a doozy. It seems poor Dan's offended by the language used on blogs, citing as examples MySpace, the Huffington Post, and the Daily Kos. Putting aside the odd juxtaposition of My Space with Huffington and Kos, did you notice anything missing in that list? You guessed it -- apparently poor old Dan couldn't find any offensive language in right-wing blogs. What a surprise!
Daniel Thinks Left Blogs Are Coarse By Madeleine Begun Kane
Daniel thinks left blogs are coarse,
So he mutters atop his high horse.
Methinks that he's scared
Of opinions we air,
And he finds them a threatening force.
Henninger Waxes Loquacious By Madeleine Begun Kane
Henninger waxes loquacious,
Claiming blogs are unduly salacious.
He lumps Kos with MySpace,
But finds no right blogs base.
Dan's hypocrisy's rather audacious.
Dubya Ain't Known For Decorum By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dubya ain't known for decorum.
He'll embarrass at most any forum.
But it just doesn't hack it
To tug Prez Hu's jacket.
Sometimes it's best to ignore'm.
Bush Once Had A Press Guy Named Scott By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bush once had a press guy named Scott,
Who always looked sweaty and hot.
No one bought what he said,
So it's off with his head.
Now Dub's spokesman, poor Scotty is not.
Andy and Josh deserves some limericks, too, don't you think?
Andy H. Card's Been Replaced By Madeleine Begun Kane
Andy H. Card's been replaced,
By Josh Bolten, that OMB ace.
But Bush/Cheney's still there,
And they're still waging guerre.
What a sad and unspeakable waste.
There Once Was A Fellow Named Card By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a fellow named Card,
Who worked for George Dubya quite hard.
He stepped down from his role,
Which has taken its toll,
And his rep will forever be scarred.
Ode To The Decider-In-Chief By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Decider-In-Chief's an angry man,
Lambasting folks who Rumsfeld pan.
He'll never dump his fav'rite Don,
Cause Don can't wait to nuke Iran.
And speaking of war mongering, I wrote "You Go To War With What You Have" some time ago in response to thischallenge, but I never posted it. This sure seems like an appropriate time:
You Go To War With What You Have By Madeleine Begun Kane
You go to war with what you have.
So what if you lose arms and calves,
And whole men too and gals galore,
Cause Bush and Don love waging war.
You go to war despite the pain.
You go because of leaders vain,
Who care not what becomes of you.
You're fighting for a Prez unglued.
You go to war though it is wrong.
Your battle's gone on way too long.
You suffer pain and great despair,
But George and Rummy just don't care.
Some Gen'rals are filling our ears,
With Rummy critiques and Bronx cheers.
What a shame they're so late,
And didn't join the debate
Before Bush got another four years.
War Against The Generals By Madeleine Begun Kane
Some Gen'rals say Rummy must go.
So I'm guessing they're traitors and foes.
Soon we'll hear that they're pals
With bin Laden, et al.
Or much worse, that they're Democrat bro's.
Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia on Wednesday called his 2004 decision not to recuse himself from a case involving Vice President Cheney, who is a friend of his, the "proudest thing" he has done on the court.
Scalia's Stability Revisited By Madeleine Begun Kane
When questioned about his refusal
To agree to a Dick case recusal,
Scalia claimed pride
That he didn't step aside.
His sanity needs some perusal.
When I heard that George Dubya had plans,
To attack and launch nukes at Iran,
I wasn't surprised.
I'd already surmised
That George Bush is a very sick man.
Our Country Has Gone Quite Awry By Madeleine Begun Kane
Our country has gone quite awry.
And it's not just the meanness and lies.
Bush and Cheney think nukes
Should be used to rebuke
Errant nations that Dubya defy.
Tom's speech was jam-packed with some gems.
His withdrawal he blamed on the Dems.
It seems Streisand and Moore
Forced him out the House door.
Has the Bugman been sniffing his chems?
At Lying And Cheating Tom's Best By Madeleine Begun Kane
At lying and cheating Tom's best.
Not to minimize crimes of the rest.
He's resigned from his post,
And his freedom is toast.
At long last we are rid of that pest.
Mugged By Dub's Drug Program By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dub's drug program's chock full of bugs.
It's a gift to insurance co thugs.
But he claims great success,
Though it's clearly a mess,
And it's driving our seniors to drugs.
Liberal bloggers are socialist tools.
Bush and Dick Cheney are brilliant and cool.
Army recruitment should start in preschool.
No need to panic. It's just April Fools.
Scalia's caught acting obscene,
In a church yet, how shockingly mean.
A photographer snapped it.
His subject said, scrap it!
It's time for that pic to be seen.
The Donation That Keeps On Giving By Madeleine Begun Kane
Storm fund donors often earmark cash for food and meals.
Others help build housing with great energy and zeal.
But Barbara Bush has found a cause with far more tax appeal:
A generous "donation" to herself, spouse George, and Neil.
Have you listened to the Dixie Chicks' latest? Great song and lyrics, and I can't wait to buy the album.
(If you missed the song parody I did about the way the wingnuts treated the Dixie Chicks, here's my "Traitor" Chicks Serenade.)
March 22, 2006 (The Rich And Unethical Harris - Limerick)
I just can't pass up the opportunity to make fun of KatherineHarris:
The Rich And Unethical Harris By Madeleine Begun Kane
The rich and unethical Harris
For her record should feel quite embarrassed.
But she breathily brags
She'll spend all and wear rags
To be Sen. Not a porn star in Paris.
March 20, 2006 (Russ Feingold Verse; Notable Posts)
Sorry I've been so quiet lately. Hubby Mark and I were visiting my parents in North Carolina and vacationing in South Beach. And we seem to have partied a bit too hard in South Beach, because we both came home sick a week ago, and we're still under the weather. In fact, I was planning to do a podcast version of this post, but I woke up today with laryngitis.
March 3, 2006 (Only Bush Can Protect Us Some Say; Some Notable Posts)
Only Bush Can Protect Us Some Say By Madeleine Begun Kane
Only Bush can protect us some say,
Though George Dubya deceives us each day,
Using fear and big lies,
No informed person buys.
Are we safer with Dubya? No way!
George Bush Keeps Demanding Our Trust By Madeleine Begun Kane
George Bush keeps demanding our trust,
Despite lies, wrongs, and actions unjust.
He misled us to war.
He's a con man hard-core.
And the Bush - Cheney reign is a bust.
There once was a fellow named Frist,
Who quite loudly the seaport sale dissed.
Frist has now changed his tune:
The Dubai deal's a boon.
I guess Karl has Frist's balls in a twist.
A State-Run Firm Based In Dubai By Madeleine Begun Kane
A state-run firm based in Dubai,
Is well known for its terrorist tie.
Yet George Dubya exhorts:
Give them keys to our ports.
It's a plan even Fristy won't buy.
I can't seem to stop writing song parodies about Cheney's shooting mishap. You can hear me sing my Faking Contrition here, to the tune of "Waltzing Matilda."
Faking Contrition Song Parody (Sing to "Waltzing Matilda")
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Faking contrition.
Faking contrition.
Cheney feels bad that he shot his good friend.
If you don't buy his story, you're a lib'ral Democrat.
Leave him alone. This harassment must end.
Watch those right-wing pundits shouting on the TV tube,
Claiming that Cheney didn't do nothing wrong.
Don't expect them to challenge anything that Cheney does.
They'll do Dick's will for a smile or a song.
Faking contrition.
Faking contrition.
Dick's Secret Service the sheriff did oust.
But who cares if Dick's SS shielded Cheney from the law.
Who needs to know if Dick Cheney was soused?
Watch those right-wing loudmouths shouting on the TV tube,
Claiming that Cheney is wrongf'lly accused.
Don't expect them to challenge anything that Cheney does.
Don't mention facts. They'll just get all confused.
Faking contrition.
Faking contrition.
Cheney's chagrined that his shots went astray.
So who cares if Dick failed to follow Harry's ambulance?
Cheney's good thoughts are with Harry each day.
February 16, 2006 (Don't Hunt With Dick Cheney - Song Parody - Audio Version Is Here)
I just couldn't resist writing a song parody about Dick Cheney's quail hunting misadventure. You can hear me sing my Don't Hunt With Dick Cheney here, to the tune of "On Top Of Old Smokey."
Don't Hunt With Dick Cheney Song Parody (Sing to "On Top Of Old Smokey")
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Don't hunt with Dick Cheney.
You might end up dead.
He'll aim for your torso,
Or even your head.
He'll claim it's a quail shoot,
But that's just a front.
It really is humans
That Dick likes to hunt.
He might say he's sorry
And even act blue.
But that's just cause Cheney
Don't want to be sued.
So don't try to lobby
The VEEP on a hunt.
Cause shots meant for wildlife,
You're sure to confront.
February 13, 2006 (Cheney Misfires -- Big Time! & Other Political Verse-- Audio Version Is Here)
New York's blizzard is finally over, but I'm still sore from shoveling snow. (When we have six inches of snow, neighbor teens eagerly peddle their snow shoveling services. But when we have two feet of snow, hubby Mark and I are on our own.)
Cheney Misfires -- Big Time! By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow named Whittington, Harry,
In the future will likely be wary
Of hunting with Dick who
Mistook him for quail stew.
The VEEP with a shotgun's quite scary.
And now a poem and a limerick about Congress's halfhearted efforts to reclaim some of its power:
George Dub's Defenders By Madeleine Begun Kane
George Dub's defenders shock me still,
Especially those up on the Hill.
Though Bush defies them every day,
Compliantly, they Bush obey.
You'd think those House and Senate guys
Would tire of George Bush's lies.
But though he treats them with disdain,
On his parade, they just won't rain.
Congressional Serfs By Madeleine Begun Kane
When Bush treats the Congress like serfs
They respond like they're powerless smurfs.
You'd expect out of pride
They wouldn't take Dubya's side
As he blithely takes over their turf.
The pundits are outraged
At Frey's memoir lies.
Too bad that Bush falsehoods
Don't get such a rise.
An Oprah Book Author Named Frey By Madeleine Begun Kane
An Oprah book author named Frey
Wrote a memoir quite jam packed with lies.
Then Ms. Oprah got mad.
She'd been publicly had.
So she tried to make Jimmy Frey cry.
Some Swear That Frey's Book Helped Them Cope By Madeleine Begun Kane
Some swear that Frey's book helped them cope
With their problems quite hefty in scope.
But now that they know
Frey's fact content was low,
Many feel like they're victims and dopes.
January 30, 2006 (Personal Poems For Some Sam Alito Filibuster Holdouts -- Audio Version Is Here)
Do you think a personal poem might change a Senator's mind? Probably not, but it's worth a try. So I've written some personal verse for four of the Sam Alito filibuster holdouts: Senators Byrd, Landrieu, Akaka, and Nelson:
An Open Limerick To Senator Byrd By Madeleine Begun Kane
Sen. Byrd you're at times quite inspired,
Speaking words that I've often admired.
Now it's time to help muster
A Sam filibuster.
If you don't, all our rights shall expire.
An Open Limerick To Senator Akaka By Madeleine Begun Kane
Judge Alito's a dangerous man.
You must block his vote, Senator Dan.
He disdains all our rights,
So please join Kerry's fight,
And help stop Dubya's power mad plan.
An Open Poem To Senator Landrieu By Madeleine Begun Kane
Senator Mary, it's time to act tough.
Tell Georgie Dub that enough is enough.
Our rights are at risk with Judge Sam on the bench,
So block his appointment and act like a mensch.
An Open Poem To Senator Nelson By Madeleine Begun Kane
Senator Nelson, I'm begging you please,
Don't be a holdout and don't be a tease.
On Alito's promotion, you must put the squeeze,
Cause with Sam on that bench, all our freedoms shall cease.
From time to time MadKane visitors say, "Hey Mad, why don't you turn your political song parodies into an Off-Broadway show?" Well, if I ever rose to such a challenge, I'd be thrilled to create something even half as good as the musical revue hubby Mark and I saw Friday night.
I'm referring to Bush Wars: Musical Revenge, an outstanding production on all levels: script and lyrics, score, singing, piano playing, acting, etc. It's playing in New York City at the Collective: Unconscious through February 19th, and for a wonderfully entertaining (and insightful) good time, I urge you to see it.
Congratulations to all, especially these three gifted individuals: creator / writer / co-director Nancy Holson; cast member / co-director / choreographer Jay Falzone; and music director / pianist / composer / arranger Alex Rovang. Actually, the entire cast is outstanding! So kudos must also go to Jason Levinson, for his wonderful Dubya impersonation and to his equally entertaining fellow cast members, Abigail Nessen; Andrea McCormick; and Chris Van Hoy.
Around now, many of you are probably saying, "Hey, Mad, I don't live anywhere near New York City. Where the hell is my political hilarity?" Well don't worry -- I haven't forgotten you. I have several hilarious video clip links to recommend, plus a wonderful book of political verse.
But you don't have to take my word for it. Art Buchwald praised Don Davis's book with these words: "fun read" and "deserves success," while Will Durst called it a "richly satisfying smorgasbord of Don Davis's irreverent verse." And my good pal Skippyliked it too.
At first, Ginger asked me to send her a favorite recipe. After giggling uncontrollably I ... well ... this limerick will give you the gist of my response:
Cook? Who? Me? By Madeleine Begun Kane
I fear I'm a terrible cook,
And I just don't belong in this book.
I'm okay at reheating,
And decent at eating.
But my recipes all taste like gook.
Now I did offer to send Ginger a wonderful cocktail recipe invented by my husband Mark -- the SakeO'Tini. (Is there any other way to get through a Bush SOTU speech?)
Ginger graciously accepted, but pressed for something more. Which brings me to my latest song parody: Ode To Takeout, which you can sing to My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music.
Ode To Takeout (Sing To My Favorite Things)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Baked meat lasagna and Indian curry.
Sesame noodles. I'm famished! Please hurry!
Buddha's Delight that is fit for a king.
Takeout is one of my favorite things.
Greek beef moussaka and cheese ravioli.
Brocc'li and eggplant, stir fried with aioli.
Barbecued chicken: Just breasts and some wings.
Takeout is one of my favorite things.
When I'm feeling
Pangs of hunger,
Need fine food to eat,
I thumb through my menus and pick up the phone.
Cause takeout just can't be beat.
Turkey with stuffing that isn't too mushy.
Beef yakiniku, but please hold the sushi.
Salad that's topped with a dressing that zings.
Takeout is one of my favorite things.
Chicken with walnuts and garlic, quite spicy.
Filet mignon. I don't care that it's pricey.
Lo mein and dumplings and fried onion rings.
Takeout is one of my favorite things.
When I yearn for
Something tasty
Need good food to eat,
I leaf through my menus and reach for the phone.
Cause takeout just can't be beat.
What? No Golden Globe For Alito's Wife? By Madeleine Begun Kane
Alito's wife cried at Sam's hearing,
Dabbing tissues at eyes that were tearing.
Though Republicans fawned
On this rightwingnut pawn,
Those mean Dems failed to join in the cheering.
A Bush Pioneer Who's Named Jack By Madeleine Begun Kane
A Bush pioneer who's named Jack
Raised for Dubya a huge money stack.
Bush now queries, Jack who?
Though he won't bid adieu
To the dough from that scurrilous hack.
George Bush Says His Spying Is Cool By Madeleine Begun Kane
George Bush says his spying is cool,
And he broke not a law, nor a rule.
What, he doesn't need warrants?
That man is abhorrent!
Those who trust him are nothing but fools!
Did The White House On Christiane Spy? By Madeleine Begun Kane
Did the White House on Christiane spy?
And on Rubin, a Kerry team guy?
Of course not, they say,
Cause the law says, no way.
Such spin from those scofflaws won't fly.
My next limerick reflects my inability to understand why former Clinton White House officials like Madeleine Albright and William Perry would be foolish enough to accept a Bush White House invitation for what most lefty bloggers could have predicted would be little more than a photo op stunt:
Consultation Dubya Style By Madeleine Begun Kane
When George Dubya extended that invite
To Clintonites Perry and Albright,
Did they think it was far
From Dub's sleazy PR?
If they did, then they aren't at all bright.
Preacher Pat once again made me groan,
When he spoke of the ailing Sharon:
For dividing God's land,
God struck down this man?
Pat believers, it's time to atone!
